I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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