My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
