We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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