well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize