I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
