what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
