if you like me you must not know who I am
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
