So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
