i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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