At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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