the condom got lost in my hair
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
