he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
