its not stalking. its research.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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