apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize