my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
