there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
