i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have tasted many bathrooms
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
