I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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