Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
