I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
