ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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