Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm determined to sit on that face.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
