I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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