i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
