those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
