I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
