Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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