Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
