here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize