I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
