I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
