Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
