I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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