Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize