Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
