after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
