Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
