The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
