I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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