She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
