planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
