you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
