I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
