Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
