Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
