At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
