and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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