I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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