She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
