i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
