At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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