i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my being single is dangerous.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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