I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
