I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
