at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
