mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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