You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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