So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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