At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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