i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
