His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
