We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
