thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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