Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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