I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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