Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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