you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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