there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize