maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
