I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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