She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
