whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
