I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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