new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
