So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
