I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
