Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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