he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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