shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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