So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
