I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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