Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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