Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
