omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
