If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
