I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
