That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
