If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
