just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
