Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
