two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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