so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
