I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
