just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
