Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
