i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
