Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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