Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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