he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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