ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
