Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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