She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
