She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
