I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
