The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
