To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
