Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
