I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
