my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
