I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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